What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
15.06.2025 04:38
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
What does success really mean to you? Is it about happiness, money, or something else?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But ive been too sick for many years..
Is it possible to become homeless after being released from jail or prison in the United States?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Why do you think Islam oppresses women when Christianity clearly does it more?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But, we were locked up after school.
Especially a lifetime of it.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I don,t even have a pension.
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One cannot hold on to bitterness.
When she asked me how she looked .
One cannot live in the past .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I waited trembling.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Is the Democrat party connected with organized crime in America?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Ive learnt so much.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Comes on , in middle age.
What is the sluttiest thing your wife has ever done?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She was in good health!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
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She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
How do I convince flat earthers that the earth is round?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
What are some things that children used to wait for, but are no longer common in today's society?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
So whats the point in blame.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
All the time i was locked up.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She wouldn,t have been !
I write beautiful poetry .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
It was going to be , some day.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Im still living with it.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And i lived it daily.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She loved him until the end.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Who then, do I blame.?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
This is soul school!.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We all went to grammer schools
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I think the readers, may guess!
But it wasn’t much.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I couldn’t, believe it.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I have no regrets .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She married twice! .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was seconnd youngest,
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We were not on the streets..
So, i spoilt her more .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He knew the spot.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
As i do to all so called friends.?
Why did i forgive my father ?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
(And it was in our own minds.)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I never cut or harmed myself..
Put me off passion for life!!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My life is so biszare .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I will be 64.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I said to her
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
What did i know ?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Would this be the day?
I was scared of men, in general
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She found it foreign!.
I was very sick at this time too.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was 9 years of age.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My family never makes their pension either.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Was to survive, this bastard.